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<title>Dick the Birthday Boy by very_cool_gotta_clap</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29428944">Dick the Birthday Boy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/very_cool_gotta_clap/pseuds/very_cool_gotta_clap'>very_cool_gotta_clap</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ellen Degeneres Show RPF, Gorilla Interrupted (2003), RedLetterMedia RPF, Showbiz Pizza - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dick the Birthday Boy - Freeform, F/M, RedLetterMedia - Freeform, nothing sexual or even really shippy happens, red letter media - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:33:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,043</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29428944</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/very_cool_gotta_clap/pseuds/very_cool_gotta_clap</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s Rich Evans birthday and he decides to spend it at the abandoned Showbiz Pizza where he celebrated his most memorable birthday so many years ago. But when he arrives, he finds that he’s not the only person there to reminisce.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Julia Roberts/Rich Evans, Rich Evans/Julia Roberts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dick the Birthday Boy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rich Evans looked at his calendar. It was his birthday. How did he want to spend it? Rich was in a nostalgic sort of mood, so he put on his jacket and walked out the door. He knew exactly where he wanted to spend his birthday.</p><p>Less than an hour later, he was there: the abandoned Showbiz Pizza where he had his birthday party so many years ago. It was the best birthday party ever. It could never be topped! That’s why he was always a little melancholy on his birthday.</p><p>He was surprised to see Showbiz still standing. The building hadn’t been torn down or repurposed in all these years. He decided to press his face up to the glass door to see if he could make out any shapes within, or if the interior had been gutted. To his surprise, he saw shapes within, shapes he recognized. Arcade machines, pizza tables, and even Billy Bob Brockali himself. Rich looked closer. Was the Billy Bob bear moving? No, couldn’t be. Turns out Rich was moving and he didn’t realize it. The door was unlocked, and as he leaned his face against it, the door was slowly pushing open. Yeah, that’s why the bear looked like it was moving... must have been an optical illusion.</p><p>Rich was pretty sure he shouldn’t enter this abandoned building. It seemed more like the type of place his best friend Mike would go to hunt ghosts than a decent place to spend a birthday nowadays. But the door was open, and there he was, standing in the doorway, staring right at a statue of Billy Bob Brockali himself. A statue? The bear moved again.</p><p>“OH MY GAAAWWWWWWWD!” screamed Rich, falling backwards onto his ass. At the same time he heard a muffled “oh my god” coming from inside the bear suit as well. He was about to go all midsommar on this shit when he realized that the voice inside the bear sounded like a woman. A woman who was perhaps pretty. A Pretty Woman, if you will.</p><p>She took the head off the bear costume. She was laughing. Her mouth was the size of several mouths. You know Mona Lisa’s subtle smile? Well this was not a Mona Lisa Smile. This was a large, wide-open-mouthed smile with lots of big pearly white teeth.</p><p>“Oh my god,” she said again, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you! Hi, I’m Julia.”</p><p>She reached a hand down to Rich. He shook it limply before realizing she meant to help him up. He grumbled and got up on his own.</p><p>“You’re Rich Evans aren’t you?” said Julia.</p><p>“Yeah,” he replied.</p><p>“Wow! I’ve seen all your movies. I’m a huge fan. I wish I had my copy of Space Cop on me right now so you could sign it,” gushed Julia.</p><p>“Okay,” muttered Rich.</p><p>”Sorry, sorry,” said Julia, realizing she was being awkward, “I’m just such a huge fan.”</p><p>”It’s okay, I’m used to it,” he said nonchalantly. “What are you doing here anyway?”</p><p>”I come here sometimes to think,” she replied.</p><p>”You come to an abandoned Showbiz Pizza and put on a Billy Bob Brockali costume... to think?”</p><p>”Well yeah,” she said, blushing. “It’s not as weird as it sounds, I swear. You see, I used to work here! When I was younger, this was my first job.”</p><p>”I see,” said Rich, clearly unsatisfied with her explanation.</p><p>”Something about being in the suit is so meditative. It’s like not being myself. Not having a face. Not even playing a human. Just total dissociation from ‘Julia’ and complete immersion into ‘Billy Bob.’ It’s honestly what inspired me to become an actress, the feeling of becoming someone else. The rush. Did you ever feel anything like that, in any of your gorilla roles?”</p><p>”My gorilla roles?”</p><p>”Of course! Like I said, I’m a huge fan. I’ve seen all your movies. Gorilla Interrupted broke new ground! Does wearing a gorilla costume make you feel all... zen?”</p><p>Rich thought for a moment and then said, “no, not really.” He shifted on his feet uncomfortably for a moment before continuing, “listen, Miss Brokavich—“</p><p>”It’s Brockali,” she corrected him.</p><p>”What?”</p><p>”Billy Bob Brockali.”</p><p>”Oh,” he said. “I thought it was Julia.”</p><p>”Right...” she looked down, blushing. She hoped he didn’t think of her as a hack fraud.</p><p>”Anyway, I really ought to be going. I came here to be alone on my birthday, and clearly—“</p><p>”It’s your birthday?!” asked Julia.</p><p>”Yeah,” Rich responded, “can’t you read my shirt?”</p><p>Julia squinted her eyes and stared at his shirt, reading to herself under her breath “dick the birthday boy,” and then she suddenly laughed out loud as if someone had snapped a box shut right on her hand.</p><p>”Dick the birthday boy, hmm?” she repeated. “Don’t mind if I do.”</p><p>She moved towards him, pulling off her bear costume to reveal some type of sexy lady clothing.</p><p>”OH MY GAAAAWWWDDDDD” he yelled in surprise, and took half a step back.</p><p>But it was half a step too far.</p><p>He fell backwards, yelling and cursing. He tried to pull himself up by grabbing a nearby coat rack but then the coat rack just fell on him, dumping coats all over him that he became tangled up in. He continued yelling and cursing, trying to get up repeatedly, but then falling down, over and over again. At some point he got hold of a walker and was trying to use it to stand up, but he just kept breaking shit with it. It was the sort of thing that would have been hilarious on video.</p><p>Julia Roberts watched the way he writhed and flailed and squirmed all over the floor, cursing and yelling and falling down again and again. She realized he was it. He was the one. The pinnacle. The finest specimen of man she could or would ever meet. She stood in awe watching him until he finally made his way to his feet.</p><p>”I gotta go,” he said, heading out the door.</p><p>Julia sighed. She knew it was too good to be. She put the bear costume back on so that if he ever decided to come back for her, she’d be ready for him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please tell me which part made you clap.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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